just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
