I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
