do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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