The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
