Define "chronic" masturbator.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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