we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
