More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
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