We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
