when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
