I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
