I think I just saw someone hide a body.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
