Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
