I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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