you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
