This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
