you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
is this the sara with the beer cane?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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