Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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