Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
