wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
