Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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