I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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