You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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