You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
