just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We are two peas in an std pod
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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