I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
