I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
