dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
