OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
