smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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