sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
