when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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