I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Randomize
