i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
