im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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