Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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