You really coming over, don't trick.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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