Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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