Who wears a wallet chain?!
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
