Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
