I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
