marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
