Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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