i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
We need a shit load of segways right now
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
