Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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