How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
