Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
you had me at cake vodka
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
