Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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