And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
