***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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