Soap is not a condiment
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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